Come Ons
A list of come-ons Pedie the Accountant might have used

Hey Baby, wanna look at my 401K?
"can I show you my pension"
I have a really big stub. pay stub. what? what'd I say?
Wanna see my money roll, baby?
Wanna rollover my mutual fund?
Help me blow my wad....of cash.
Hey baby...I use the 610 looooong form
why yes..yes that is a roll of quarters in my pocket
"If we talk business during sex, can we deduct the room?"
Hey baby, let's schedule an audit
Wanna play with my big button calculator?
Can you add 42 and 27 for me?
wanna see my square root?
Can I open your account?
Hey baby, can I see your safe deposit box?
Wanna see what I've been saving for a rainy day?
Wanna come over and tally my account?
Can I put IOU's in your G-string?
Do you take credit cards? I need the flyer miles!
I love your assets
Are you ready for an audit?
You have a great ledger
I have a key to your safe deposit box
You wanna compound our future value calculations?
Care to go over the figures?
Wanna see what my limit is? Credit, I mean.
Take a look at my 'andrew jackson'
Wanna depreciate my condom collection?
Hey baby, what are the rates? uhhh the interest rates!
Do you declare "tips" ?





How to Simulate Females;
a Primer for Electrical Engineers

1. They have a bandpass filter that passes what they want it to pass and they can oscillate from the slighest feedback. (S11 can vary from -infinity to + infinity.)

2.The auditory filter is a time-varying adaptive filter that can greatly complicate proper simulation and later, actual interfacing.

3. Oscillation with the slightest feedback suggests a good deal of inherent instability

4. Sometimes the amplifier is so sensitive that it picks up conversations on other planets and occasionally, the gain is turned up so high as cause compression and distortion of the actual data input.

5. Their is no OFF switch.

6. They are prone to overheating without dissipating additional power.

7. Gold conductors must be used frequently to prevent overheating.

8. Diamond substrate is necessary for proper extended operation.

9. NOR gate rule: If the toilet seat is in the logic 1 position instead of the logic 0 position, a contention will result. An audible alert early warning system will barrage you with deafening tones.

10. Don't forget about the integrated data delay line that can vary from minutes to years.




Top Nine Reasons Why I Like to Cut My Hair Short

(I am not David Letterman...I cant afford all ten reasons)

9) Lowered coefficient of drag under water
8) The need for being able to comb hair while singing "All My Exes Live in Texas" is no longer necessary
7) The hair that is left in the sink every morning appears to be less.
6) Will never need a $400 haircut while sitting on the runway in Air Force One
5) Shampoo consumption cut by 40%
4) Women can rub my head for good luck
3) Better heat conduction to reduce the thermal gradients near brain.
2) Reduced chance of getting head pulled in blender by accident. Or on purpose.
1) I am an Aggie. Howdydammit!





Vulgar Slams

wuss Panz nerd fag knob slug spaz dork stain scab butthole cob hump dick terd douche wanker weiner squid bugger dolt puss skeez wad buttplug loaf creep crud fart booger geek goon rat dweeb scum sleaze putz slag fink prick twat cunt virus nad pig boob worm dunce bastard looser rube jerk ass hick twit Pinko Commie zit queer lid imp jism queen clown muff bum hack dill shit louse gassey rump skud Hunkie drip plop flop fool slob snob nut cock cretin twerp spook troll ghoul dillhole skunk goof lez dope crank fairy perv dyke lump fart crab ripper nugget bugeyes dildo shithead bunghole fagbait jackass buttkisser butthead asshole queerbait dillweed Dilbert spamface hippy retart lardo arse windbag toad toejam blower narc lardass penis coonass spoink fascist nugget gonad pufter waste burnout junkie lowbrow dumbbell dimwit numbskull novice blockhead sicko chunky barf bumpkin Hoosier ski-snoot peabrain stooge porker lacky bum stinky rotgut dingbat Bung wasteoid butt spasm sphincter reject monkey spank teasipper lame Refried bean butt butt burglar trouser twanger fudge packer Fart whistle




Making Fun of F*rd

Here's a fun list from the boys that used to play MCO: If you take "anal" and put it in front of a F*rd product it turns out pretty funny:

anal excursion
anal probe
anal expedition
anal explorer
anal Mystique
anal Comet
anal Focus
anal Ranger
anal Escape
anal Navigator
anal Tracer
anal Escort



Rules of Life

 

 



Things To Do Before I Die